Heartbreak

It is 12 in the noon as I start writing this post. At this time, everyday, I put my little fellow into his crate and move to the kitchen to prepare his food. He is a fussy eater, so I have to measure proper proportions and mix his dry food with some wet can food. And once he eats, I take him out to play. But today, none of that is happening.

I love my bed. And I'm going to tear it to pieces in a few days.

On Saturday, 24th October, we got this little boxer face home and named him Prof. Moriarty. He was a handful. He drove me mad. He wouldn’t listen to me most times. But I loved him. The first two days he was home, he whined when I put him in his crate, he wouldn’t let me touch him. He didn’t eat or drink. But he played a lot.

Playing with his toy

By the third day, he knew I was his mommy. He let me play with him, took long naps on my lap and when I asked him to stay in his crate without whining, he would do it. He was a brilliant guy. He had learned “sit”, “stay” and “come to me”. He was getting used to his collar and leash. He loved all his toys. But mostly, he was a big puppy face, who thought he was a lapdog, who snored in his sleep and farted, then smelled the air, like saying “who the hell made that awful smell?”.

I'm a lapdog

Yesterday, we had to take him back to the breeder. There were a couple of reasons that I am yet to fully come to terms with. The last few days have been traumatic for me. The drive to give him back was horrible, coz he kept nuzzling up to me and falling asleep in my lap and I kept crying. But the ride back was even more so, coz I had no one to cuddle with.

I am yet to recover from my loss. Every time I move to the living room and see his yet to be dismantled crate my eyes well up. Every time I see the few pictures I took of him in the past few days, my legs go wobbly and I have to sit down to steady myself. I’ve been sad before, but now I know what true grief really is. And that heartbreak can really come from the most unexpected places, from a tiny squishy puppy face, who I barely had the time to get to know.

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• boxer
• heartbreak
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